The Daddy Doll.

Little Bear's 3rd birthday was quite possibly one of the most humbling experiences we've been through, and thats saying a lot. The amount of gifts he had sent and given to him just left me speechless. Plus the fact that Buddy wasn't even that interested in opening them, he was content to open just one or two per day and then play with what he opened and wouldn't want to open anymore. It took us a week and a very messy living room to even get through them all. I think he has two or more still on the way too. What 3 year old has a heart of such contentment that he refuses to open anymore presents? And what community are we blessed with who pour out love on him to ensure his day is special? Thank you to all of you, he had a wonderful birthday. One to be remembered! More on that soon, for now I want to focus on one of the sweetest presents Daddy and I have been conspiring since well before he left.

The Daddy Doll.

It arrived a few days later, so when Buddy got home from school we sat down just the two of us to open it. I told him Daddy sent it all the way from the boat, Buddy was pretty excited. When he opened it, it was the back of the doll with Daddy's summer cammie print, but Buddy yelled "My Daddy's Work Clothes!"- he knew. When he turned it over his face was almost indescribable. It was the look someone gives to things that are just the most precious to them in the entire world. I guess I could equate it to when a Mother is holding her baby in those early moments. He cradled it in his arms and just kept saying "My Daddy" softly to himself. He hugged it and then would look at it, and do it over and over again.

I wish I had a video, but we were so lost in the moment...

"My Daddy...My Daddy..."

Then he put it on the floor and laid on it like a pillow all happy and silly. I told him to put it in his room and when I went up there later, he'd thrown his normal pillow on the floor and had Daddy laying there like a little pillow.

Now we hug and kiss it every day and night along with changing the countdown and moving Daddy's face on the board. He talks to him, "I love you more Daddy!" and sometimes Daddy even swings around and down the stairs with him "weeeee! Daddy go down the stairs with me!". Today I asked if he'd like to take it to school for sharing time, I am excited to hear how it went from his teacher on Monday. Our shy Little Bear, I wonder if he went through with it.

Daddy in his cubby at school. Oh my heart.

Secretly this Bellé-Mere hugs and kisses that Daddy Doll too. I have a Cammie wearing bear to snuggle with at night that Daddy gave me last time he was gone too. I will say, "I am missing Daddy today", and Little Bear will respond "I miss my Daddy too! We are both missing Daddy!" He is such a happy little Buddy to be going through more then most kids will ever, I am inspired and encouraged by his joy and peace through everything. What a lucky life I get to lead with these fine men in my life.

xoxo

Bellé-Mere

Love Across The Oceans.

How do you explain to an almost 3 year old that his beloved Daddy is leaving for a long long time, but he loves him. He will be back. He is loved by an entire community while Daddy is gone. You can attempt to explain, but its tough to do without crying at first. So you borrow some children's books from the library and ask your precious creative friends for their support and help. And this is what they come up with. 

Seriously? How is my friend who made this a real person?

Every evening, Little Bear and I move Daddy's face to another bead, change the number, and sometimes move the boat picture when we know where Daddy is. He moves on the beads away from the boat picture, all the way around and then comes home to us (and our picture on the other side). You can ask Buddy, he will tell you "Daddy be gone a lonnnnng time, go allllll the way around, and then come back to us!" The pictures on the bottom are well loved, I find them crunched in his hands while he's sleeping all the time. We haven't filled the "Send Some Love Box" with stamped envelopes yet, but we have sent Daddy lots of things already.

Deployments are pretty much the worst, especially on the ships when communication is so bad. Buddy will randomly tout a "I miss my Daddy"- but for the most part seems to be doing better at handling things then even me. We like to keep him busy, school all day, weekly visits to the library, park, music in the park, and now soccer lessons!

This Belle-Mere doesn't need help staying busy, she works full time, runs a side business, works out everyday, runs a million errands, stays involved with a church, and pretty much does it all. I am telling you,  Jesus is a miracle worker.

xoxo

Bellé-Mere

The Face Of A (Step) Mother.

                              

                              

We are tired. We have bags under our eyes from working all day, then coming home to play in the pool, then staying up late doing laundry and more work. We have mosquito bites all over from late summer nights outdoors. We live amongst children's poop. Its everywhere, all the time. Our hair is either up and out of the way, or covered in chlorine from countless swimming hours (or just up because its dirty). We shave our legs with a child next to us in the shower bathing their toy animals. We rarely have time for makeup.

Our prayers are littered with requests for more sleep, more energy, more patience, more poop in the potty.

We are full of joy. We are the happiest (and most exhausted) we've ever been. We pray because we know we can not do it alone, it is literally impossible. We have become more humble of a person, more joyful, patient, kind, and loving. We are brave enough to tackle seemingly impossible tasks on our own. We are mothers.

I am lucky enough to be able to mother this Little Bear with many other mothers, he has a community of love and support all around him. You have given us such joy Little Bear! I am growing as a person because of you! You are so loved.

xoxo

Bellé-Mere

Life Goes On.

I have wanted to write in so long, but it's just been too too much. Even now I am barely finding the time, but my Little Bear is taking a long summer nap induced by swimming, soccer, heat, and fun. However, lets not dwell on the past. New Beginnings!

Most of you know, the reason I have been so absent. The most stressful month of my entire life just barely ended. We were finally getting more settled, finally in a routine with our buddy, finally felt moved in, finally a real family. I have learned, the military life doesn't lend itself much to being settled. Literally the same week I found out I'd gotten the new job I'd been working toward (practically the job of my dreams), we were given 30 days notice of My Love leaving to tour the pacific on a MEU (big helicopter carrier to us non-military!) for 7-9 months. The rest of the team going had been preparing for months, but someone had a serious emergency at the last minute, and 'unfortunately' he's so good at his job he was recommended to go. So here we are...30 days to pack, move back in with my parents, get all of the pre-deployment paperwork and errands done, find a new daycare, end my current job, My Love still had to work a lot of those 30 days too, oh- and try to process all of the emotions and spend time together. It was RIDICULOUS. The best part was 2 days before he had to leave, Buddy came down with a horrible chest infection and gave the virus to both of us too. Literally the same day the boats left, I had to take a little coughing buddy to the doctor. My Love and I are STILL getting over being sick. But we did it, we said good bye. We came the next morning to watch all the boats leave and send love over the bay with the rest of the families and veterans. We cried. But we did it.

The day before Daddy had to board the boat, loading up his stuff 

We had to say good bye the night before the boats left. So hard.

The morning all the boats left, everyones families were at a special spot saying good bye

His Boat!

And now we wait. 

We are all sad, but things continue. Sadly we are used to Daddy being gone, and it's kind of nicer this time around because at least Little Buddy and I have each other to talk to about it and about Daddy. We pray for him every night, and sometimes throughout the day because one of us gets sad. "Where is my Daddy?" he will ask me. "You know where he is, where is Daddy?" I'll reply. "Oh he's on the big boat, he's gonna be gone a lonnng time" he says in the same sing-song voice I remember telling him in. I remind him he can pray if he's sad and misses him and Jesus will help him to feel better, so he does. And I hear snippets of "Jesus" "Daddy", "Boat", "Safe", "Love", and other sweet things amongst the baby chatter I know Jesus understands. The other day he just randomly started praying and when he was done I asked "Were you sad? Is that why you were praying to Jesus" and he said yes. Later he had a tummy ache and also prayed for Jesus to take that away and then said "all better!" hahaha! I love how God speaks to children. The ultimate comforter and lover. I only have so many hugs, kisses, and snuggles I can give- God is the true healer, even of His littlest. 

The best way to handle a deployment? Keeping busy. I started my new job 2 days ago, one of the MANY blessings despite My Love having to leave for so long and so suddenly was that besides 3 odd days, this new job is entirely remote for the first 4 weeks. So far its all really new and can be overwhelming, but being able to stay home and recover from being sick, plus use my lunch breaks to wrap up apartment items, unpack, run errands, tackle our mounds of laundry, etc- has been priceless. Plus the energy I have by the time I go get buddy that wasn't wasted commuting, sitting in an office, being annoyed all day, etc gets to go into us playing ball in the front yard, swimming, and having adventures. All things that help ease this transition. 

So thats our story. Thats where I've been. Every spare moment spent with my family. Preparing while still trying to enjoy the still moments. I miss My Love more then anything, its just been over a week but feels so much longer. The communication is really awful, no skyping and phone calls are rare. He stays up late to get 1 out of 3 computers on the entire boat so I do get the occasional email. Its going to be a long 7-9 months. But we can do it. We will grow because of it. We will continue to learn more about ourselves as individuals, a couple, and a family. We will not just survive during this deployment, we will thrive. We do it because we must. 

xoxo

Belle-Mére